When you make an effort to be friendly, trustworthy, and approachable, it can help your career and friendships flourish, she says, while also making the connections you already have stronger. But the benefits extend way beyond that. Small, friendly gestures will help you connect to others and create great relationships. But they'll also make other people's lives better.
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Friends will notice, as well as coworkers, folks at networking events, and so on. And the positive ripple effect will spread from there. If that sounds like something you'd like to do, read on below for a few tips from the experts on how to draw people to you , and be instantly likable. Since people love to hear the sound of their own name , go ahead and sprinkle it in once or twice while you're saying hi, or having a conversation.
Eye contact is so important when forming a connection with someone.
Terrance Hayes’ How to Be Drawn, reviewed.
But it's important to strike a nice balance between looking away, and staring them down. On the flip side, "if you gaze too intently, you might make them feel uncomfortable or intimidated," he says. People respond well to open body language. So if you'd like to win someone over, it can help to pay attention to small details, like how you're standing or holding your arms , in order to send the right message.
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To truly win someone over, nothing will do the trick quite like asking them questions, and then genuinely listening to their response. To do so, try asking open-ended questions or encouraging them to tell a story, followed by "reflecting back key points of the conversation," she says.
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This is also a good go-to trick if you're feeling nervous, as they'll be the ones doing all the talking. While it can be mighty tempting to glance down at your phone, staying present in the moment is a surefire way to build a better bond with another person. Save those things for later, and instead focus on being in the moment, asking questions, and listening. Try to stay aware of your surroundings, and sends out positive vibes. As Fraley says, "Small gestures [and] displaying good manners, such as holding doors and saying please and thank you, can go a long way.
Take a moment to think about how you act when around friends, family, and even folks you're trying to impress. Do you hold yourself in a confident way?
Or give off a certain energy? Instead, he talked about how he came to write them: How he got from his native Columbia, S. Hayes has read at Carnegie Hall and the Library of Congress and edited the annual Best American Poetry, whose previous volumes included his work seven times.
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The song was plainly unfamiliar. None of them ventured an answer. A few gazed down, perhaps checking cellphones. But many were still paying attention when he began talking about things they did know: Pittsburgh and hip-hop.
To be a poet, do you have to write in traditional poetic forms? Do you have to write in iambic pentameter? Hayes told me that had he not received a basketball scholarship for college, he might have followed his mother, Ethel, and become a prison guard. That or the military. Hayes attended Coker College in Hartsville, S. Schmotzer told me that Hayes was highly recruited in South Carolina because he was such a good student, but he underperformed on the court for most of his time because he refused to wear corrective goggles. Senior year, Hayes changed his mind, wore the goggles and tore up the conference.
That year, he also switched his major from studio art to English. One professor, John French, encouraged Hayes to apply to graduate schools in writing. That year, , the poet Toi Derricotte, who taught at the University of Pittsburgh, gave a reading at a college half an hour away. Hayes drove there, met her and decided that the M. Derricotte, along with the poet Cornelius Eady, was then organizing Cave Canem, a series of retreats and network-building activities for black poets.
Along with the Dark Room Collective in Boston, Cave Canem would become a major incubator for the current renaissance in black poetry, which includes the poets Tracy K. Hayes worked at Cave Canem and attended the retreats and poetry workshops from until Hayes began to cry. It was an unusual moment for him.
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They began exchanging letters and phone calls. Harvey had already decided to teach English in Japan the following summer. They had been together a month when he proposed. I met Harvey for tea near the University of Pittsburgh campus where they both teach. But they liked traveling around the islands, taking in Japanese soul, pop and jazz. They moved to Pittsburgh in , when Hayes received a job offer from Carnegie Mellon. A dozen gentle stairs and a porch with three square columns set the house off from the residential street.
We sat at a table in a warm, modern kitchen while their squat pug, Fetch, implored the poet successfully for treats. Ua came home from her basketball game soon after I arrived; she told Hayes that her team won their away game, despite a hostile crowd. Over takeout short-rib burgers from the Belgian restaurant Park Bruges, Hayes and I talked about his work. They have seen each other only a couple of times.
In recent years, Hayes said, he wanted to move on. He has tried to redirect his focus to women, but often finds himself drifting back. He had come to represent more than his poems. He was an attractive symbol of integration, an ambassador, an unimpeachable story of black male achievement.